Corporate Mission Statement
Since our humble beginnings with a dream, a $400 loan from a generous local businessman, and a garage full of disused scientific equipment, we’ve always had an eye peering keenly towards the future and the innovation and application savvy to forever answer bigger and bigger questions.
Our commitment to our shareholders is as follows:
- Market beating dividends and share value growth every quarter, no matter what it takes, through…
- Radical breakthroughs in every sector of the market, using a proprietary, step-by-step, phased-in approach.
Our shareholders got nervous went we stepped from gadgetry to defense, to biotech, to deep-sea exploration, to agriculture, and even to aerospace, but we’ve proven again and again our unorthodox approach to research and unrivaled commitment to beating the competition is more than enough to afford substantial gains year after year.
Those few critics that have noticed us have said we “can’t keep going like this forever” because the ceiling for growth, return on investment and return on equity must eventually hit a ceiling at some point. They’re right and they’re wrong. As long as there are new industries to branch into, we’ll have room for growth.
And once we run out of those, we’ll just conquer the world, right?
Our Mission
Our mission is to conquer the world one industry at a time until we have enough corner to steer the markets towards the ends required by our shareholders, and that’s our commitment. Like all major companies we’ve had to exert political pressures from time to time to guarantee regulation and anti-trust stay out of our way, which is why we’ve created more than 800 anonymous, independent subsidiaries to hold assets and manage operations. We may have to create as many as 4,000 to reach our ends, but since we’re not publicly traded, and the sale of stock is prohibited, you can rest assured we’re not doing it to pull some last-minute accounting scandal where the house of cards fall.
The $19,248 per share dividend you receive each month is your profit, and only because you made a wise investment in a visionary prodigy you believed in. Right now he’s at the helm of this great ship directing operations and plotting the course towards even greater successes, and you’ll all be board for that, whether you’re a shareholder or a citizen of the world.
Unlike many corporations that want to take over the world for untold riches, our founder and CEO Will Strangle is no such miser. He wants to do all this for the benefit of you. So when you see him, embrace him and thank him for the advances he’s given the world in medicine, technology and global politics.
