StrangleCorp to Host “Alien Vs Predator” Presidential Debates.
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 22. Apr, 2012 | 4 Comments
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–April 22, 2012—StrangleCorp has announced it will host the first of many presidential debates between President Obama and GOP heir-apparent, Mitt Romney. With only a few months remaining before the inevitable and mildly anticipated series of “Alien versus Predator” debates, the PR departments of both camps are in high gear trying to drum [...]
Osama’s 24
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 18. Mar, 2012 | 2 Comments
Anxious to give Hollywood even more in-depth details surrounding the hunt and “sanctioned removal” of Osama Bin Laden, the Obama Administration has unwittingly acknowledged the existence of innovative new technology. Using the Baal2012 SuperComputer leased by StrangleCorp, the government has apparently provided Hollywood with a transcript of Osama’s “Transition to the Netherworld”.
StrangleCorp to Bid on Navy’s Railgun Project
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 12. Feb, 2012 | 1 Comment
February 13, 2012—FOR IMMEDIATED RELEASE StrangleCorp has announced its intention to bid on the Navy’s Electromagnetic Railgun Project after the current testing cycle is complete. “We’ve been watching BAE System’s and General Atomics’ progress through the prototype stage very closely and we’re pretty confident that we can win the Navy contract against such crappy competition,” [...]
WikiLeaks Accidentally Steals Secret StrangleCorp Documents.
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 11. Dec, 2011 | 2 Comments
Wikileaks claims to have definitive proof of StrangleCorp involvement in political scandals over the past 10 years. “StrangleCorp has a long, sordid history in the destruction of political careers,” said one Wikileak operative, speaking in silhouette through a voice modulator mere seconds before having his skull crushed by a falling camera light. Another WikiLeaks operative [...]
StrangleCorp Admits Repossessing Russian Mars Probe
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 03. Dec, 2011 | 1 Comment
StrangleCorp has admitted seizing computer control of the Russian Phobos-Grunt spacecraft, which has been stuck in the wrong orbit for almost a month now.
Time traveler from 2116 reveals spoilers.
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 29. Oct, 2011 | 3 Comments
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–October 29, 2011 StrangleCorp has hired a time traveler from the year 2116 as Lead Researcher for the company after he startled officials with dire warnings about the future of Mankind a little more than a century into the future.
Rush Hour 4 Stalled?
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 15. Oct, 2011 | 3 Comments
While promoting their newest film Rush Hour 4 in New York City yesterday, Jackie Chan apparently became enraged at Chris Tucker’s self-promotion as the “star” of the franchise and strangled him to death in front of hundreds of shocked on-lookers.
StrangleCorp notes the passing of Steve Jobs
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 06. Oct, 2011 | 3 Comments
October 6, 2011—StrangleCorp Press Release—Will Strangle, CEO and owner of StrangleCorp, noted the passing of Steve Jobs and recalled him as “The only man I couldn’t buy…unlike that Bill Gates fellow!”
Sun releases strong solar flares: StrangleCorp vows retailiation
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 11. Sep, 2011 | 9 Comments
September 11, 2011–FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The sun unleashed a series of vicious attacks against Earth this week, leaving the entire planet vulnerable to catastrophic sports disruptions unseen in modern times.
StrangleCorp applauds White House trashing environmental policy
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 04. Sep, 2011 | 3 Comments
StrangleCorp posted a full-page ad in major newspapers across the U.S. praising the White House’s decision Friday to walk away from the stricter ozone pollution standards it had been promising for three years. “Sticking with the Bush-era standards is exactly what we paid for. Finally, we’re getting our money’s worth out of this Administration”, said [...]
