Classifieds
Madcap Super-Scientist’s Haven!
Are you a scientist with ideas so radical no government or institution will fund or even permit you to ply your trade? If so, please keep reading! › Continue reading
Work Mans Wanted
Due to an unexpected “mass exodus” that struck our last round of workers, we’re once again short-handed, and our spring tune up is nigh at hand. › Continue reading
Gross (144) Decoy Self-Destruct Buttons
When avoiding a last-minute meltdown of your diabolic plan, the Achilles heel is all too often the seemingly necessary “Self Destruct Button”. You can’t get rid of it for obvious reasons of practicality and meme conformity, so what can you do to stop last-minute spies from nipping your nefarious endeavors in the bud, is high quality, super realistic Decoy Self-Destruct Buttons. › Continue reading
Seductress Thwarting Micro-Parasites For Sale
If you’re looking to spite a past seductress who did you wrong, or just keep the ammunition for such an attack close at hand, we a non-lethal option for your consideration. Through an affiliate arrangement with providers of parasitic and viral, fungal and microbial strains, we are able to help you buy a traditional colony of human pubic lice with free overnight shipping, or the Permethrin resistant supercrabs colony for 20% off with free overnight shipping. › Continue reading
Live Anthrax Packets For Sale
NOTE: Mailing sized increments no longer available. Due to USPS restrictions, we now only sell them in the form of unrefined dirt, similar to what you may find 2-3 feet beneath the surface of almost any pasture in the world. › Continue reading
Negative Energy Generator For Sale
The uses for negative energy are almost as numerous as those for traditional energy, and this device will allow you to harness the power of energy cancellation in ways few could hope to yoke. › Continue reading
Crimson Laser Beams For Sale
Box of 10 compact, hand-held, battery operated laser devices available.
These devices will pass any airport security, and can emit a ruby-red beam of ultra-focused light for a period of many hours before depleting the batteries. › Continue reading
Doomsday Device (Still In Box)
Pallet-sized crate containing what appears to be an extremely elaborate doomsday device for sale or trade. Only good for one mass-killing, and may or may not function according to design. › Continue reading
35,000 Gallons Ultra-Concentrated Poison Available
Available in 55-gallon drums, this super-concentrated toxin has been hand-collected from the backs of rarest Amazonian tree frogs, distilled to highest purity and stored in an underground humidor since maturity. › Continue reading
300 Security Services / Henchman Uniforms For Sale
Hardly used. Some stains and many are a bit “bullety” but we’ve upgraded to new color scheme and these preshrunk cotton-poly suits in assorted sizes are ready to move at rock bottom prices. › Continue reading
Experienced Trap Door Engineer Wanted
I have a defective trap door in my office that needs attention, but also would like to have many more installed around my various properties, as well as in my land, sea and airborne vehicles, including a dirigible. › Continue reading
Evil Overlord Super Yacht For Sale
Don’t let appearances fool you! This low-mileage Twin Ford-Lehman engine vessel has been converted from its surface look of 68-foot fishing trawler to extreme ocean-ready command station. › Continue reading
Five Torturers Needed to Fill Immediate Openings
Due to the recent flood on the market of highly qualified torturers with years of experience coming out of the US military system, we are only looking for those with exceptional résumés. › Continue reading
2nd Hand Secret Fortress For Sale
49,600 square foot evil fortress for sale in undisclosed Wyoming plains location. May also function for other logistics, manufacturing or non-evil purposes with minimal retrofitting. › Continue reading
Henchmen Wanted
Are you looking for an exciting career in a counter-cultural organization with huge upside potential, but can’t bring yourself to buy in to those socialist or anarchy jokers? Forget them, they almost never offer reimbursement for bus fare, let alone the chance to work your way up through the ranks of evil. Our motto is “Henchman that don’t die become evil overlords!” and that’s not just a saying, it’s our philosophy! › Continue reading
Be My Number One by Being My Number Two
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Dungeons.
Successful CEO-type with offbeat good looks who knows how to keep his lady in style seeks open-minded, athletic/HWP lady with advanced degree (preferable in science or math) to share long walks on the beach, quiet afternoons cuddling up with a book in the hammock, and conquering the world.
Saltwater (Shark) Tank Contractor Wanted
Our last shark tank contractor tried to branch out to fresh water homosapienivorous fish and suffered an unanticipated on-the-job injury. While he’s at home collecting workman’s comp and his thoughts, we’re fresh out of salt-water help, and we need someone with experience who is ready to step right in to a working death-tank environment to keep our rare beasts of the ocean happy. › Continue reading
Evil Genius Seeks Arch Nemesis
Highly qualified and regarded genius of less-than-benevolent persuasion seeks new arch nemesis since untimely demise of last one. Spy training and military experience a plus, or equivalent experience, but escape/evasion, infiltration and seduction credentials a must.
