Ex-VP of Operations Sal O’Graves was interviewed exiting StrangleCorp’s secret headquarters in an abandoned warehouse district in Detroit with a trailer full of Company “inventory”. “Frankly, this government budget impasse is affecting our bottom-line. Truth be told, 99% of that bottom-line came from “black” government projects. That’s all fucked up now thanks to the very politicians we bought and paid for!” said O’Graves before disappearing into the darkness.
The Chief Financial Officer Robert Baron dismissed reporters’ questions with a wave of his hand regarding what happened to StrangleCorp’s vast assets, replying only, “What money?”
StrangleCorp’s former Head Research Scientist Dr. Gunter Chang has reportedly accepted a “mad scientist” position in North Korea. “The food sucks, but the price is right,” he remarked via Twitter.
VP of Legal Affairs Dewey Pummell is allegedly preparing a lawsuit against the U. S. government in an attempt to recoup personal financial damages resulting from the shut-down. “I’ll see you in court, provided there’s a goddamned central government left to support one after all this bullshit is over!
And in related news, rumors of former StrangleCorp VP of HR May Helms announcing lay-offs via firing squad have not yet been substantiated.