StrangleCorp to Host “Alien Vs Predator” Presidential Debates.
Posted on 22. Apr, 2012 by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases
"Two words: Tic Tac!"
StrangleCorp execs insist that they will remain impartial to either candidate. “Hell, we own both of them. Makes no difference to us who wins,” said StrangleCorp CFO Robert Baron. Romney’s handlers are being proactive in casting Mitt in the Predator role. At the “weigh-in”, Mitt took a swing at Obama, charging that, “If we could harness the energy of Obama’s mouth, we’d have no energy crisis!” Romney not only firmly established himself in the position of preeminent presidential predator, but also put Obama in the subordinate position of an antagonistic alien not born here.
He went on to exaggerate the comparison with a mocking description of Obama’s political career: “Emerging from the pulsating egg of community organizers, Obama wasted no time attaching himself to the face of legitimate politics, incubating himself in the viscera of the political body, bursting forth from the body cavity amid a spray of exaggerated promises and the acid of liberal politics coursing through his veins.”
“Dude, that’s harsh,“ Obama responded angrily, describing Romney’s campaign as, “Strategically flawed despite superior financing and hiding behind a mask of false bravado to conceal the truly ugly face of his political ineptitude. He is a waffling, ineffective politician who makes serious political discussion vulnerable to mud-caked extremists with predispositions for bad metaphors.”
Despite the rousing rhetoric, it is largely anticipated that the actual debate will suck worst than a tropical depression. To pump of ratings ahead of the presidential debate, Stranglecorp is considering a warm-up debate between Bill Maher and Ted Nuggent, tentatively entitled Freddy Versus Jason. That may prove to be problematic, however, since Jason has no speaking parts and according to unnamed sources inside StrangleCorp, “We haven’t figured out which of the two would just shut up!”
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Apr 22nd, 2012
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Expletive Deleted
Apr 22nd, 2012
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Prathamesh
May 10th, 2012
I doubt that a lot of the responses are ogiirnal thoughts and more likely generated by party platform politics and the result of his writers and given his signature of approval for publication. It is interesting that the questions and answers will probably never reach mainstream media for reprint and analysis save a few fringe individuals or groups that are deeply interested in science and the current disposition of the United States. I won’t go through every question and response but just a few.1.) “My administration will work to guarantee to students access to strong science curriculum at all grade levels so they graduate knowing how science works using hands-on, IT-enhanced education. As president, I will launch a Service Scholarship program that pays undergraduate or graduate teaching education costs for those who commit to teaching in a high-need school, and I will prioritize math and science teachers. Additionally, my proposal to create Teacher Residency Academies will also add 30,000 new teachers to high-need schools training thousands of science and math teachers. I will also expand access to higher education, work to draw more of these students into science and engineering, and increase National Science Foundation (NSF) graduate fellowships. My proposals for providing broadband Internet connections for all Americans across the country will help ensure that more students are able to bolster their STEM achievement.”Specifically…”As president, I will launch a Service Scholarship program that pays undergraduate or graduate teaching education costs for those who commit to teaching in a high-need school, and I will prioritize math and science teachers.”This is not a novel idea at all. In my state of Missouri, the legislature established a college [Warrensburg State Teachers College and still in existence] whereby the state paid for higher education. In exchange, the graduate was to perform a few years teaching at various high schools throughout the state. Not an indentured situation at all but a fair trade agreement between the state and the student. It should be revived.2.) “There can no longer be any doubt that human activities are influencing the global climate and we must react quickly and effectively.”I am not convinced. The history of the Earth cannot be deduced in merely nearly 200 years of industrial activity. An environmental change is a different issue.The bottom line just appears to be more government involvement and government [taxpayers] spending. Fundamental issues of why the middle class is disappearing and less disparity between an earned wage and inflation are paramount.
Expletive Deleted
May 10th, 2012
That’s just crazy talk! It’s the election season, only evisceration gets viewership these days.
cancer scam
May 19th, 2012
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Expletive Deleted
May 20th, 2012
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May 22nd, 2012
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Expletive Deleted
Jun 4th, 2012
Oh gosh, now you’ve made me blush!