Sun releases strong solar flares: StrangleCorp vows retailiation
Posted on 11. Sep, 2011 by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases
September 11, 2011–FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The sun unleashed a series of vicious attacks against Earth this week, leaving the entire planet vulnerable to catastrophic sports disruptions unseen in modern times.
Sunspot 1283 generated four strong flares, an M5.3 flare (Sept. 5), an X2.1 (Sept. 6), an X1.8 (Sept. 7) and a M6.7 on the 9th. Fortunately, the coronal mass ejections (CMEs), massive clouds of solar plasma that move through space at up to 3 million mph, struck a glancing blow to Earth. “You’re welcome,” said StrangleCorp’s lead researcher, Dr. Gunter Chang. “If those mass ejections had hit Earth, they’d have spawned geomagnetic storms that would have disrupted GPS signals, radio communications, power grids, porn streaming and worst yet, football.”
Calling the sun’s latest volley “an ongoing attack on our way of life,” StrangleCorp CEO Will Strangle pledged to retaliate again the solar aggressor and forcefully eliminate its weapons of mass communications disruption (WMCD).
“Do you think that black-out along the Mexican border and the failure of the solar firm Solynda this week were mere coincidences?” Strangle asked reporters menacingly.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” answered one still unidentified journalist mere seconds before dying horrifically in a bizarre electrical accident.
“Wrong! Anybody else believe in coincidence?” Strangle asked the rest of the press corps before continuing.”Listen, I’m not sitting on billions of dollars of football television rights just to let the freaking sun turn all that profit into static,” said Strangle.
He did not elaborate how he intends to accomplish that, but this is not the first time StrangleCorp has overtly threatened the sun. According to several soon-to-be-deceased sources inside StrangleCorp, there are plans in the works to “pull the plug” on the increasing sunspot activity around the time of the equinox. “We want to make sure we have a straight shot,” said one source who futilely declined to be identified.
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Sep 17th, 2011
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krycek
Sep 19th, 2011
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Sun Spot
Sep 24th, 2011
Now you’re going to be saying, “Damn you sunspot 1302!!!!”
krycek
Sep 26th, 2011
Sun Spot 1302 wouldn’t dare hit us with a CME.
We know where it lives.
Sun Spot
Oct 2nd, 2011
Now it looks like 1302 and 1305 are working together! Must be an Axis of Evil. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1660524/pg1
Chemistry Projects
Oct 10th, 2011
I appreciate the insightful post. Thanks.
krycek
Oct 15th, 2011
Looks like some of Dr. Chang’s people are surfing instead of researching.
Get back to work!
Jill
Dec 21st, 2011
Waiting for the solstice to launch an attack?
Call me….
Sangho K.
May 10th, 2012
INCOMING from sunspot AR 1476! Attack now!!!!