FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–February 5, 2011-
Several mummies missing from The Egyptian Museum in Cairo have been recovered at a local Slim Jim factory. The mummies appeared to be in good condition and have been moved to an undisclosed location for their safe-keeping.
Cairo’s regional Slim Jim factory where the mummies were located is owned and operated by StrangleCorp. StrangleCorp’s VP of Legal Affairs, Dewey Pummel, said that the mummies were moved there during the recent political chaos for their protection. He denied rumors that they were being processed into meat products. “That’s ridiculous,” said Pummel. “Mummy would totally ruin the taste of a Slim Jim.” He added that it was StrangleCorp’s pleasure to be of assistance in saving antiquities even though, “nobody’s even thanked us.”