StrangleCorp patents pesticide resistant bed-bugs. Rabid model due out by spring.
Posted on 20. Jan, 2011 by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–January 20, 2011
The Tubercular Tick: Nature's tiny assassin to be released in May.
Leading indicators reveal that the lodging industry is poised for a prolonged financial slump and StrangleCorp has the solution: bed-bugs. “What better way to thin out the dense competition than to have a little bed-bug infestation at a competitor’s hotel?” said StrangleCorp’s Lead Researcher, Gunter Chang. However, this tried and true method of getting the jump on a price-savvy customer base driven by over-supply is rapidly becoming obsolete.
In fact, bed-bugs were once a surefire, quick turn-around market equalizer. But, recent advances in pest extermination technology and the resultant increase in available manpower has rendered this technique all but null and void. Until now.
Thanks to an unholy break-through in genetic manipulation, StrangleCorp is proud to announce the world’s very first pesticide resistant bed-bug. And many hotel chains are itching to get their hands on these little bastards.
“Now, when a Hilton gets a bed-bug infestation, it stays infested,” said Dr. Chang. “This genetically altered bed-bug is only the first of many mutated pests to be unleashed on the market in the near future.” The Tubercular Tick is due out in the spring. The Genetically-Altered-Pest (GAP) product line is a bold, new venture for The Company according to CFO Robert Baron. “Our aim is to put the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse out of business, one Horseman at time. At the end of the day, a corporation’s reputation hinges on crushing all competition. Pestilence…you’re next!”
brooklyn exterminator service
Jan 21st, 2011
Bed bugs are very easy to get rid of. You just need to find a professional exterminator
krycek
Jan 21st, 2011
You’re a brave man to try and advertise your exterminating services on our site. Did you actually think we’d let you kill off our investments? Not that you could, but you’re welcome to try.
Jon
Jan 21st, 2011
If you’re good at exterminating leeches, I’d like to hire you to take care of a few lawyers.
Bed Bugs Extermination
Jan 22nd, 2011
How come all of the sudden do we appear to have some sort of epidemic dilemma regarding bed bugs in the united states I worked at a area College for 30 years and didn’t have a problem until 2 yrs back?
krycek
Jan 22nd, 2011
I dunno. Accelerated-Bed-Bug-Evolution as a result of Extraterrestrial Intervention? Naw, probably just increased global travel and pesticide over-exposure. But, we’re just guessing here.
Bugstoppers.com of Palm Beach
Feb 8th, 2011
For pest control tequesta you can go to this website and pick which one you like.
krycek
Feb 8th, 2011
OK Bugstopper and in return for not deleting your SPAM (and not sending a few henchmen to your place of business) you have to do a favor for StrangleCorp. Some day, and that day may never come, we will call upon you to do a service for us. But until that day, consider this justice a gift resulting from Green Bay’s Superbowl victory.