Big Booms Baffle Bumpkins in Oklahoma and Kentucky
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 29. Jan, 2011 | 2 Comments
Two mysterious sonic booms occurred approximately 12 hours apart in Oklahoma and Kentucky, leading some to suspect StrangleCorp involvement. The two booms have yet to be explained, putting many people on edge, especially after the mass kills of birds and fish earlier in the month.
StrangleCorp Denies Responsibility for “Green-Meteor” Sightings
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 21. Jan, 2011 | 3 Comments
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–January 21, 2011 StrangleCorp denies responsibility for a pair of “green meteor” sightings in a little more than a week. An unusually bright shooting star was sighted in the Midwestern skies Wednesday night, with reports pouring in from Illinois and Indiana.
StrangleCorp patents pesticide resistant bed-bugs. Rabid model due out by spring.
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 20. Jan, 2011 | 7 Comments
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–January 20, 2011 Leading indicators reveal that the lodging industry is poised for a prolonged financial slump and StrangleCorp has the solution: bed-bugs. “What better way to thin out the dense competition than to have a little bed-bug infestation at a competitor’s hotel?”
“Dr. No” Looking for “James Bond”
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Classifieds on 08. Jan, 2011 | 2 Comments
STRANGLECORP CLASSIFIEDS—DATING
FOR SALE: One HAARP Device, slightly used
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Surplus Sales on 08. Jan, 2011 | 10 Comments
One High Frequency Active Auroral Research Project Device (HAARP Model 4D216) is offered for sale to the highest bidder. Fully tested and operational, this device has the demonstrated capability to kill blackbirds, drum, doves, devil crabs, red snapper and much, much more. Can be calibrated to be species specific (manual included).
StrangleCorp apologizes for mass blackbird kill
Posted by Expletive Deleted in Press Releases on 03. Jan, 2011 | 4 Comments
1000′s of blackbirds rained from the skies in a one mile radius over Beebe, Arkansas late New Year’s Eve, frightening hundreds of local residents who thought it was the Apocalypse. Dr. Gunter Chang apologized for the incident, calling it unfortunate. “We were aiming for the crows,” he said. “We are truly sorry if we prematurely [...]
