Five Torturers Needed to Fill Immediate Openings
Due to the recent flood on the market of highly qualified torturers with years of experience coming out of the US military system, we are only looking for those with exceptional résumés.
We only require light torture, so it’s nothing extreme. Punching, fisting, nail removal, spiking, mutilating, accidental killing, stringing up with barbed wire and personal, moral and religious humiliation are all a must, but we never require our torturers to participate in anything reprehensible like stress positions, sleep deprivation or waterboarding.
We have over a dozen of my most loathsome enemies in custody already and our torturers are working overtime to keep them in questionable, questioning misery, so apply today!
(Apply through the contact page.)
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